#notpregnantjustfat

I've previously written about how infertility is a LOT of waiting and perpetuating cycles. When you're going round in constant circles, it had be hard not to get dizzy and feel like you're spiralling, or trapped. Unfortunately, sometimes you are. The main trapping for me is the financial trap. My work brings me a LOT of stress and you are always told to 'relax to conceive' however I have bills to pay and if we are to save up for private IVF treatment then we need two incomes. Furthermore, if I were to move jobs now and then got pregnant, I wouldn't be eligible for maternity pay and would end up being skint, which is not what I want life to be with a beautiful new baby. So I stay. Sometimes I don't know if I am doing right for doing wrong or vice versa. I worry that the stress is hampering my chances of pregnancy, but isn't any job going to bring me stress? Also, if I were to just give up work, it would put so much pressure on my Husband that it c...

Have you ever stepped in dog shit? Like, right outside your house first thing in the morning but you don't even have a dog? You do your best to clean it off, wipe it in the grass or step in a puddle, or if you're a fabulously organised morning person you go home and clean said shoe(s) properly or even put on another pair before you set off on your commute. If you're not on the ball and don't have time to go home and change, then you'll carry on and hope that you got it all off, but you'll probably spend the rest of the day with the smell caught in your nose, wondering if it's just you who can smell it or if everyone else around you is smelling it too and is looking at you sideways in disgust. It will hang over your whole day like a dark cloud, until you make it home and either scrub the offending shoe(s) or (if they were cheap enough) chuck them straight in the wheely bin and sit down, exhale and think to yourself 'Thank FUCK that day is over.' ...