Hi Everyone and welcome to the latest edition of my blog!
I feel like scolding people for things that I have seen on social media recently i.e. fake pregnancy announcements, however, as many of us are agreed, this is an opportunity for a teaching moment rather than a witch hunt.
Thankfully fake pregnancy announcements are becoming more few and far between as people get more educated on the wider world and things that don't necessarily impact them directly and also as the way we use social media changes.
I can still remember a time before social media *shock horror* when my friends and I would speak to each other on the phone, or make solid arrangements about where to meet; a time when no one cared what we had for dinner, and the almighty avocado was yet to be discovered. Back then poor taste humour was confined to your own social (actual social i.e. people in real life, in front of you) circle and I don't doubt that if I took the time to scroll/cringe my way through Bebo (remember that) or look at the beginnings of my Facebook account, there would be things that I would never say today, let alone in public...maybe even a fake pregnancy announcement, I don't know.
I don't care to face the cringe of my younger self's thoughts, so I'm not going to look into any further, I just like to think that I have grown as a person; I have more empathy and understanding - not just of infertility - for life and people in general. With my ever growing wisdom is the understanding that everyone and I mean everyone makes mistakes and I am absolutely no stranger to them. Social media has made the world a much more accessible place, but it has also put us all under a magnifying glass.
Full disclosure, my husband and I have a highly-offensive combined sense of humour, we're Irish so we're very smart mouthed and have a generally dark sense of humour anyway, so we are well aware that much of what we say behind closed doors is not fit for public consumption. I don't doubt that most people are a bit different behind closed doors, that is perfectly normal, however society has always had unspoken rules about behaviour in public and those rules now also translate - or should do - to social media. We behave in a more respectful manner when visiting my Mother-in-law than we would in our own house and again our behaviour changes when visiting elderly relatives. We need to therefore think about what we are putting out there on social media, who will see it, what will they think, will it hurt their feelings? This isn't about 'generation snowflake' (trust me I'm as thick skinned as they come) but more common decency.
Yesterday, quite a few of us were upset by an article that appeared on a website whereby a freelance journalist had 'pranked' her husband into believing she was pregnant - April Fools, she wasn't. Some people don't understand why this upsets us infertiles, well let me explain. A positive pregnancy test or 'BFP' is something many of us can only dream about, it consumes our every waking hour, we go for test after test and cry tear after tear. Our bodies and our minds are traumatised over and over again. Some of us have felt the precious flutter of a child growing inside and had it taken away, some of us will never know the joy of a tiny heart beating inside us. Infertility is all consuming. So when someone makes a mockery of what we covet the most, as you can imagine, it upsets us.
Marissa Miller, I understand that you didn't set out to hurt anyone with your article, but you did. It's fine, you're young, you haven't walked in our shoes. Trust me, I'm glad you haven't I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but we do wish you would stand up as a strong woman, be honest and say 'I fucked up' listen to us and learn from this.
Among the comments on Twitter - I think it was actually about Arie Lyuendyk Jr's April Fool's pregnancy fake out - was someone asking why people cared, 'surely REAL pregnancy announcements are more of a trigger?!' I swallowed down my frustration and calmly explained that yes, real pregnancy announcements are 'triggers' (soul crushingingly so at times, lets be honest) but at least that is someone's true joy, not something done for 'likes' or 'shares'.
So there you have it, the reason why fake pregnancy announcements are total and utter fucking bullshit and rip the hearts out of the infertiles walking among you. Remember we are #1in8 so you could be sitting across a desk from one of us, meeting one of us later for dinner, or even commenting on one of our personal Tweets as we speak. So try not to be a dick and furthermore, please do not do anything that will drive us further underground. We may be #1in8 but we are still the faceless many.
At the time of writing the publication responsible for Marissa Miller's article still had the article live, although without her name or picture. I would respectfully ask that it be removed and an apology given to the general public.
I feel like scolding people for things that I have seen on social media recently i.e. fake pregnancy announcements, however, as many of us are agreed, this is an opportunity for a teaching moment rather than a witch hunt.
Thankfully fake pregnancy announcements are becoming more few and far between as people get more educated on the wider world and things that don't necessarily impact them directly and also as the way we use social media changes.
I don't care to face the cringe of my younger self's thoughts, so I'm not going to look into any further, I just like to think that I have grown as a person; I have more empathy and understanding - not just of infertility - for life and people in general. With my ever growing wisdom is the understanding that everyone and I mean everyone makes mistakes and I am absolutely no stranger to them. Social media has made the world a much more accessible place, but it has also put us all under a magnifying glass.
Full disclosure, my husband and I have a highly-offensive combined sense of humour, we're Irish so we're very smart mouthed and have a generally dark sense of humour anyway, so we are well aware that much of what we say behind closed doors is not fit for public consumption. I don't doubt that most people are a bit different behind closed doors, that is perfectly normal, however society has always had unspoken rules about behaviour in public and those rules now also translate - or should do - to social media. We behave in a more respectful manner when visiting my Mother-in-law than we would in our own house and again our behaviour changes when visiting elderly relatives. We need to therefore think about what we are putting out there on social media, who will see it, what will they think, will it hurt their feelings? This isn't about 'generation snowflake' (trust me I'm as thick skinned as they come) but more common decency.
Yesterday, quite a few of us were upset by an article that appeared on a website whereby a freelance journalist had 'pranked' her husband into believing she was pregnant - April Fools, she wasn't. Some people don't understand why this upsets us infertiles, well let me explain. A positive pregnancy test or 'BFP' is something many of us can only dream about, it consumes our every waking hour, we go for test after test and cry tear after tear. Our bodies and our minds are traumatised over and over again. Some of us have felt the precious flutter of a child growing inside and had it taken away, some of us will never know the joy of a tiny heart beating inside us. Infertility is all consuming. So when someone makes a mockery of what we covet the most, as you can imagine, it upsets us.
Marissa Miller, I understand that you didn't set out to hurt anyone with your article, but you did. It's fine, you're young, you haven't walked in our shoes. Trust me, I'm glad you haven't I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but we do wish you would stand up as a strong woman, be honest and say 'I fucked up' listen to us and learn from this.
I believe that you can still make it right so I am reaching out to you Marissa.
Among the comments on Twitter - I think it was actually about Arie Lyuendyk Jr's April Fool's pregnancy fake out - was someone asking why people cared, 'surely REAL pregnancy announcements are more of a trigger?!' I swallowed down my frustration and calmly explained that yes, real pregnancy announcements are 'triggers' (soul crushingingly so at times, lets be honest) but at least that is someone's true joy, not something done for 'likes' or 'shares'.
So there you have it, the reason why fake pregnancy announcements are total and utter fucking bullshit and rip the hearts out of the infertiles walking among you. Remember we are #1in8 so you could be sitting across a desk from one of us, meeting one of us later for dinner, or even commenting on one of our personal Tweets as we speak. So try not to be a dick and furthermore, please do not do anything that will drive us further underground. We may be #1in8 but we are still the faceless many.
At the time of writing the publication responsible for Marissa Miller's article still had the article live, although without her name or picture. I would respectfully ask that it be removed and an apology given to the general public.
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