OK so for anyone on tenterhooks after my last post, I can clear everything up very quickly. My 'show' soon developed into a full-blown underwear massacre (sorry for the imagery) and I spent the rest of my evening watching trash TV cuddled up to - what turned out to be - a leaky hot water bottle. To add insult to injury I didn't even realise until I got up to refill it as it was wrapped in a blanket and I felt how cold and wet my whole abdomen was.
So there it is...I'm not pregnant, just fat. Still.
Now the 'in-the-know' fertile Gods out there may be tutting in disgust at my acknowledgement of being fat as it is a well known medical fact that carrying extra weight may impact fertility negatively. Well guess what fertility Gods...I KNOW! When I say I am fat, I don't mean I'm a roly-poly, Fatty McFatterson who needs the roof removed and a crane to be lifted out of the house (although some days I don't feel too far away!). What I mean is that I am outside of my skinny jeans comfort zone and a little outside what were once my 'fat jeans' zone. Most problematically I carry all of my weight around my middle - I still have chicken legs and a flat ass that is the stuff of a Kardashian nightmare - which I always have, although ever since I got married it has become somewhat more of a spectacle as friends and loved ones eye me up, all wanting to be the first to predict when the little 'bundle of joy' is on the way. Well everyone you can stop elbowing each other (you're not subtle), giving knowing nods and winks, and looking out of the corner of your eye, it's still just too much of a healthy appetite.
Whilst I know that being anything other than a non-smoking, non-drinking, ideal height-to-weight ratio, yoga practicing Aphrodite can hinder baby making, I refuse to believe that my 'little extra weight' can be completely shutting down my fertility. This is where my green eyed monster comes in.
I absolutely LOVE celebrity gossip and trashy TV and ironically a marathon of Teen Mom 2 and Teen Mom UK got me through my latest period pains (along with the leaky hot water bottle). They have everything you could want, cute babies, drama, conflict, on/off romances, what is not to love? They're the modern day soap opera. Now while I do genuinely like some of the stars of the shows (Chelsea & Cole, Corey, Joe Teen Mom 2, and Amber & Ste Teen Mom UK) I generally engage in a 'love/hate' relationship with the rest of the cast members.
Firstly it is extremely frustrating to watch these young people break each other's hearts over and over (Note to self: Wrap future children in protective, heartbreak free bubbles...check Amazon for availability), as someone who has been through all the mistakes of the day. It is always (nearly always) clear to see exactly how each situation is going to play out and knowing that these people won't listen to reason pains me, mostly as it makes me think of my own Mother watching me play out my teenage years...sorry Ma.
Next are the many, many questionable life choices. Now don't get me wrong, I don't profess to be any sort of Nun, by any stretch of the imagination, at all whatsoever...seriously. However, the adultery, blazing rows (in front of the children), driving on phones, substance abuse and frequent lack of general nurturing or protection of the children from the adult situations around them bring a boiling combination of frustration, rage, jealousy and inadequacy to the pit of my stomach.
How can all of these people stumble through life, pro-creating (with a combined 13 children and 12 Fathers between the five main girls in the show) with such disregard for the futures of the children they are bringing into the world? Most poignantly for me is that many of them (at least claim) were on some form of birth control when they fell pregnant - at least one of the times. What is wrong with me that is stopping me having a baby that I would love and cherish and offer a stable home, with two loving parents who want nothing more than to work hard and live a simple life together?! #greeneyedmonster
I'm not just singling out the Teen Mom ladies, I know that they all love their children and are doing their very best to raise them, I am just being honest about my feelings as I watch these things. I also get strong feelings when I see any celebrities getting pregnant - most recently Daniella Westbrook. When I read about her latest pregnancy I could feel my stomach almost fall out my arse and the blood rushed to my head, making me a little dizzy as the tears welled up behind my eyes. I know she has had many struggles and I really liked her in Celebrity Big Brother last year (another guilty pleasure, don't judge me!) and I genuinely applaud her for tackling her problems head on. However...I cannot help but look at photos of her face, so clearly ravaged by long term drug abuse and think of the roller-coaster she has been on in the last two years alone - homeless, plastic surgery after plastic surgery, multiple relationships and rehab - and question God/The Gods (I'm angry with them all right now, I'm not biased in anyway about religion) about his/her/their plan and why they would give such a great gift to someone who goes through life like a pinball machine - flipping in every direction - and not to a person who is doing everything (almost everything, I know I'm still a bit fat) to work towards that one simple thing?! Again it's not just a personal attack on Daniella (it's really not, the list goes on - Stephanie Davis, Kerry Katona, Katie Price, Mel B etc etc etc) and I don't have any ill-will towards her, I just can't help but feel that life can be a cruel mistress at times.
"You're never given more than you can handle" are wise words I've heard before...I call bullshit. It's one of those phrases people throw out when you're down and they don't want to hit you with the 'Yeah this is a cunt of a situation' type truth.
So there it is, another day, still not pregnant and still a lil fat!
Now the 'in-the-know' fertile Gods out there may be tutting in disgust at my acknowledgement of being fat as it is a well known medical fact that carrying extra weight may impact fertility negatively. Well guess what fertility Gods...I KNOW! When I say I am fat, I don't mean I'm a roly-poly, Fatty McFatterson who needs the roof removed and a crane to be lifted out of the house (although some days I don't feel too far away!). What I mean is that I am outside of my skinny jeans comfort zone and a little outside what were once my 'fat jeans' zone. Most problematically I carry all of my weight around my middle - I still have chicken legs and a flat ass that is the stuff of a Kardashian nightmare - which I always have, although ever since I got married it has become somewhat more of a spectacle as friends and loved ones eye me up, all wanting to be the first to predict when the little 'bundle of joy' is on the way. Well everyone you can stop elbowing each other (you're not subtle), giving knowing nods and winks, and looking out of the corner of your eye, it's still just too much of a healthy appetite.
Whilst I know that being anything other than a non-smoking, non-drinking, ideal height-to-weight ratio, yoga practicing Aphrodite can hinder baby making, I refuse to believe that my 'little extra weight' can be completely shutting down my fertility. This is where my green eyed monster comes in.
I absolutely LOVE celebrity gossip and trashy TV and ironically a marathon of Teen Mom 2 and Teen Mom UK got me through my latest period pains (along with the leaky hot water bottle). They have everything you could want, cute babies, drama, conflict, on/off romances, what is not to love? They're the modern day soap opera. Now while I do genuinely like some of the stars of the shows (Chelsea & Cole, Corey, Joe Teen Mom 2, and Amber & Ste Teen Mom UK) I generally engage in a 'love/hate' relationship with the rest of the cast members.
Firstly it is extremely frustrating to watch these young people break each other's hearts over and over (Note to self: Wrap future children in protective, heartbreak free bubbles...check Amazon for availability), as someone who has been through all the mistakes of the day. It is always (nearly always) clear to see exactly how each situation is going to play out and knowing that these people won't listen to reason pains me, mostly as it makes me think of my own Mother watching me play out my teenage years...sorry Ma.
Next are the many, many questionable life choices. Now don't get me wrong, I don't profess to be any sort of Nun, by any stretch of the imagination, at all whatsoever...seriously. However, the adultery, blazing rows (in front of the children), driving on phones, substance abuse and frequent lack of general nurturing or protection of the children from the adult situations around them bring a boiling combination of frustration, rage, jealousy and inadequacy to the pit of my stomach.
How can all of these people stumble through life, pro-creating (with a combined 13 children and 12 Fathers between the five main girls in the show) with such disregard for the futures of the children they are bringing into the world? Most poignantly for me is that many of them (at least claim) were on some form of birth control when they fell pregnant - at least one of the times. What is wrong with me that is stopping me having a baby that I would love and cherish and offer a stable home, with two loving parents who want nothing more than to work hard and live a simple life together?! #greeneyedmonster
I'm not just singling out the Teen Mom ladies, I know that they all love their children and are doing their very best to raise them, I am just being honest about my feelings as I watch these things. I also get strong feelings when I see any celebrities getting pregnant - most recently Daniella Westbrook. When I read about her latest pregnancy I could feel my stomach almost fall out my arse and the blood rushed to my head, making me a little dizzy as the tears welled up behind my eyes. I know she has had many struggles and I really liked her in Celebrity Big Brother last year (another guilty pleasure, don't judge me!) and I genuinely applaud her for tackling her problems head on. However...I cannot help but look at photos of her face, so clearly ravaged by long term drug abuse and think of the roller-coaster she has been on in the last two years alone - homeless, plastic surgery after plastic surgery, multiple relationships and rehab - and question God/The Gods (I'm angry with them all right now, I'm not biased in anyway about religion) about his/her/their plan and why they would give such a great gift to someone who goes through life like a pinball machine - flipping in every direction - and not to a person who is doing everything (almost everything, I know I'm still a bit fat) to work towards that one simple thing?! Again it's not just a personal attack on Daniella (it's really not, the list goes on - Stephanie Davis, Kerry Katona, Katie Price, Mel B etc etc etc) and I don't have any ill-will towards her, I just can't help but feel that life can be a cruel mistress at times.
"You're never given more than you can handle" are wise words I've heard before...I call bullshit. It's one of those phrases people throw out when you're down and they don't want to hit you with the 'Yeah this is a cunt of a situation' type truth.
So there it is, another day, still not pregnant and still a lil fat!
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