#notpregnantjustfat

This week someone I know suffered a miscarriage. It is horrible and unfortunately we are not that close, so I don't feel like I can be there for her in the way I would like to be. If I could be there for her I would tell her that she doesn't have to be level headed like she is being, that just because she sensibly says  'It just wasn't meant to be this time' doesn't mean than she shouldn't feel the pain. I would also tell her that the fact that this is her first miscarriage after two beautiful, healthy babies doesn't make any difference, she is still ALLOWED to feel the hurt.  I wouldn't tell her that she will be fine if she just gives it a bit of time, or that it is very common, or that she wasn't that far gone (as if that makes a difference), or that she will be pregnant again in no time. I would tell her that I am there for her, however she feels and she can talk to me anytime she needs me, or if she wants space that is fine too. I would...

So today I am still fat and still not pregnant for anyone who was wondering. Although my idea of myself as 'fat' has changed somewhat over the years. Today I have a BMI of 28.4 and am teetering on the edge of officially obese according to the NHS. To get back within my 'safe' weight bracket I have to lose 1.5 stone, to sit in the middle of said bracket I need to lose 3 stone. Despite this health warning, I am more comfortable in my own skin now than then. In years gone by I was fit and healthy and never understood how people let themselves get so out of shape, to be honest I still don't, it has just kind of 'happened' (I blame hitting the dreaded 3-0 and the resulting decline in my metabolism). Despite my previous good fortune with my weight, I never saw it that way at the time and always believed I was fat, not obese or anything, but the word 'fat' has always clung to the back of my mind. Now I just wish I were as fat as the first time I thought I...

OK, so I really should've started this a long time ago, but 'I haven't had time, work, work, work etc' and all the other bullshit excuses we perpetuate to put off things that scare us. This is a mixture of a typical fat girl diary and also a catalogue of fertility trials and tribulations, so buckle up, cos you're in for a rough ride! Sorry to anyone who was looking for a weight loss journal, I'm over 30 now so I don't lose weight. *Looking Back Through Rose Coloured Glasses* Back in my twenties, I lived the life, drank every weekend (often more often 😜), casually "dated" (I write "dated" as actual dating for Irish people is a relatively new phenomenon, since the dawn of online dating apps; prior to that, relationships used to start with a few drunken "shifts/snogs/getting off with/go wi etc" and after some time could blossom into something longer lasting), whilst generally clawing my way through my career and life. Other ...