Have you ever stepped in dog shit? Like, right outside your house first thing in the morning but you don't even have a dog? You do your best to clean it off, wipe it in the grass or step in a puddle, or if you're a fabulously organised morning person you go home and clean said shoe(s) properly or even put on another pair before you set off on your commute. If you're not on the ball and don't have time to go home and change, then you'll carry on and hope that you got it all off, but you'll probably spend the rest of the day with the smell caught in your nose, wondering if it's just you who can smell it or if everyone else around you is smelling it too and is looking at you sideways in disgust. It will hang over your whole day like a dark cloud, until you make it home and either scrub the offending shoe(s) or (if they were cheap enough) chuck them straight in the wheely bin and sit down, exhale and think to yourself 'Thank FUCK that day is over.'
Apologies for the disgusting analogy, but to me, anxiety is highly comparable to a 'dog shit day.' It is a dark cloud that hangs over everything and it impacts your whole mood and how you interact with people. Give me the same situation on two days weeks apart and how I feel about and handle them will be polar opposites. Here is an example, I could cook my husband dinner, as I usually do and he always make sure to thank me and tell me it was lovely, even if it was only a 'chav dinner' (everything from the freezer i.e. chicken nuggets, frozen chips and beans etc). On a normal day he could say something like 'Garlic bread would be nice with this.' - and I'd respond with 'Yeah it would be actually, I'll do that next time.' and we will carry on eating and I'll nag him to do the washing up and he'll tell me the oven dish 'needs to soak' which is code for 'I'm going to watch telly for an hour.' It's a perfectly normal occurrence in our house. On a 'dog shit day' where I am riddled with anxiety, the same comment from my husband could be met with any/all of the following from me 'For fucks sake, you always manage to find the ONE thing I don't have. I work, I cook, I clean and I try to do everything right and you don't even care or appreciate it. Nobody cares <insert random 'slight' by a family or friend towards me from any point over the last 20 years or so here>, why do I even bother?' and that will all be accompanied/followed by blubs/heaving sobs/ugly crying and a look of shock horror on my husband's face.
Unfortunately my 'dog shit days' are all too common and usually precede the arrival of my period. So why don't I cop on and sort myself out if I know it is coming? Quite simply, I can't. I am a very intelligent (even though I do say so myself), level headed person in general, but I have always been somewhat at the mercy of my hormones and trying to conceive has certainly not done anything to help that situation. It probably feels like it is getting worse as I used to be on hormone regulating contraceptives and they probably 'levelled me out' somewhat, although nothing has ever completely freed me of the raging hormone trap.
Yesterday was my most recent 'dog shit day' and I was well aware of it from the moment I woke up. I felt exhausted, completely drained and I had a deep knot in the pit of my stomach. I know that my period is due and I explain this to myself, but it doesn't take away and feeling. I know I am a walking, talking, ticking time bomb. Throughout my working day I am constantly fighting back the tears, my manager calls me to ask when something I ordered the previous day will be delivered and I almost breakdown, all I had to say was 'It'll be here tomorrow.' I know that there is no rhyme for my reactions, but I simply can't control what I feel with a logical internal monologue.
Today I feel much better and the dark cloud has lifted to let me see that everything I felt yesterday was irrational and I know that it will all be OK. I also got an unexpected cheque in the post from a previous broadband provider for overcharges on my account last year which was a lovely boost! Then I read about the 'Super Blue Blood Moon' yesterday and how it was making people feel moody and hungry, so today I am going to blame it all on that and not on my cray cray hormones...until next month!
My message here is this, whatever the reason behind someone's emotional reaction to something you say or do, try to be kind and know that they might just be having a dog shit day and your behaviour to them could make or break them.
Wishing everyone brighter days filled with joy and love. #notpregnantjustfat #alittlecrazy
Apologies for the disgusting analogy, but to me, anxiety is highly comparable to a 'dog shit day.' It is a dark cloud that hangs over everything and it impacts your whole mood and how you interact with people. Give me the same situation on two days weeks apart and how I feel about and handle them will be polar opposites. Here is an example, I could cook my husband dinner, as I usually do and he always make sure to thank me and tell me it was lovely, even if it was only a 'chav dinner' (everything from the freezer i.e. chicken nuggets, frozen chips and beans etc). On a normal day he could say something like 'Garlic bread would be nice with this.' - and I'd respond with 'Yeah it would be actually, I'll do that next time.' and we will carry on eating and I'll nag him to do the washing up and he'll tell me the oven dish 'needs to soak' which is code for 'I'm going to watch telly for an hour.' It's a perfectly normal occurrence in our house. On a 'dog shit day' where I am riddled with anxiety, the same comment from my husband could be met with any/all of the following from me 'For fucks sake, you always manage to find the ONE thing I don't have. I work, I cook, I clean and I try to do everything right and you don't even care or appreciate it. Nobody cares <insert random 'slight' by a family or friend towards me from any point over the last 20 years or so here>, why do I even bother?' and that will all be accompanied/followed by blubs/heaving sobs/ugly crying and a look of shock horror on my husband's face.
Unfortunately my 'dog shit days' are all too common and usually precede the arrival of my period. So why don't I cop on and sort myself out if I know it is coming? Quite simply, I can't. I am a very intelligent (even though I do say so myself), level headed person in general, but I have always been somewhat at the mercy of my hormones and trying to conceive has certainly not done anything to help that situation. It probably feels like it is getting worse as I used to be on hormone regulating contraceptives and they probably 'levelled me out' somewhat, although nothing has ever completely freed me of the raging hormone trap.
Yesterday was my most recent 'dog shit day' and I was well aware of it from the moment I woke up. I felt exhausted, completely drained and I had a deep knot in the pit of my stomach. I know that my period is due and I explain this to myself, but it doesn't take away and feeling. I know I am a walking, talking, ticking time bomb. Throughout my working day I am constantly fighting back the tears, my manager calls me to ask when something I ordered the previous day will be delivered and I almost breakdown, all I had to say was 'It'll be here tomorrow.' I know that there is no rhyme for my reactions, but I simply can't control what I feel with a logical internal monologue.
Today I feel much better and the dark cloud has lifted to let me see that everything I felt yesterday was irrational and I know that it will all be OK. I also got an unexpected cheque in the post from a previous broadband provider for overcharges on my account last year which was a lovely boost! Then I read about the 'Super Blue Blood Moon' yesterday and how it was making people feel moody and hungry, so today I am going to blame it all on that and not on my cray cray hormones...until next month!
My message here is this, whatever the reason behind someone's emotional reaction to something you say or do, try to be kind and know that they might just be having a dog shit day and your behaviour to them could make or break them.
Wishing everyone brighter days filled with joy and love. #notpregnantjustfat #alittlecrazy
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