#notpregnantjustfat

Have you ever stepped in dog shit? Like, right outside your house first thing in the morning but you don't even have a dog? You do your best to clean it off, wipe it in the grass or step in a puddle, or if you're a fabulously organised morning person you go home and clean said shoe(s) properly or even put on another pair before you set off on your commute. If you're not on the ball and don't have time to go home and change, then you'll carry on and hope that you got it all off, but you'll probably spend the rest of the day with the smell caught in your nose, wondering if it's just you who can smell it or if everyone else around you is smelling it too and is looking at you sideways in disgust. It will hang over your whole day like a dark cloud, until you make it home and either scrub the offending shoe(s) or (if they were cheap enough) chuck them straight in the wheely bin and sit down, exhale and think to yourself 'Thank FUCK that day is over.' ...

We all know how the old sayings go, 'Patience is a virtue' or 'Good things come to those who wait.' Well I can tell you now, the people who say them things are talking about waiting for something stupid like a kettle to boil (it won't if you watch it apparently), or a bus to come (don't worry two will be along at once...very shortly). They weren't, or aren't talking about waiting to conceive, or if they are, it should be added to the list of bullshit things people say to those struggling with infertility that should afford us infertiles the right to slap them across the face without consequence. I have discovered over the past couple of years, that trying to conceive is a lot of waiting. Waiting to ovulate, waiting for lines to appear (or not) on tests, waiting for periods to come (unfortunately they're always right on time!), waiting for doctors appointments, waiting for test results, waiting, waiting, waiting.  I currently find myself in ye...

This week someone I know suffered a miscarriage. It is horrible and unfortunately we are not that close, so I don't feel like I can be there for her in the way I would like to be. If I could be there for her I would tell her that she doesn't have to be level headed like she is being, that just because she sensibly says  'It just wasn't meant to be this time' doesn't mean than she shouldn't feel the pain. I would also tell her that the fact that this is her first miscarriage after two beautiful, healthy babies doesn't make any difference, she is still ALLOWED to feel the hurt.  I wouldn't tell her that she will be fine if she just gives it a bit of time, or that it is very common, or that she wasn't that far gone (as if that makes a difference), or that she will be pregnant again in no time. I would tell her that I am there for her, however she feels and she can talk to me anytime she needs me, or if she wants space that is fine too. I would...

Good afternoon everyone and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Sorry I know I'm a bit late on that, but as you will be aware I have been very quiet on here for a while.  My last update was just after our first appointment at the private fertility clinic and before my gynae appointment about suspected endometriosis. I'll start at the fertility clinic. We drove the hour and a half up there and were seen very quickly after arriving (no NHS waiting lists here). The Doctor brought us into his very nice office and went through the results of both of our tests. Both were very positive and thus he informed us we were in the 'unexplained infertility' category. He went through A LOT of forms and told us to take them home and read them (back to time is money people). He also very quickly mentioned my risk of OHSS due to my results, although if I hadn't done my own research prior to the appointment, I fear this may have gone over my head and I definitely wouldn't be aware of what a real r...

Apologies to anyone who has been awaiting my latest update (I am sure there is at least one person out there ha!), my slacking ways have returned! A lot has happened since my last post, including the celebration of my first wedding anniversary, so that was lovely. What hasn't been so lovely are my first steps into the world of assisted fertility treatment. In the past few weeks I have had more blood drawn and doctors letters than I can ever remember. It feels good to feel like we are making a start, however I can't say that I am brimming with hope. Before I made it to my first appointment at the fertility clinic, I had to go through yet another period and it is safe to say it was the worst yet. It wasn't even anything to do with the fact that I wasn't pregnant (for once), but the excruciating agony of it. My husband and I had gone to visit my Mother and I ended up rolling around in the living room, on the floor, the sofa, on all fours, crying and at times screamin...

I would like to start this update with a HUGE thank you to both Tessa Broad and Red Door Publishing for giving me the chance to be part of the 'Dear You' virtual book tour. It was a true honour and it has given me a huge boost, both personally and also with regards to this blog. It was a wonderful thing to have been a part of and I know that Red Door took a chance on me as my blog was very new when they signed me up, so I very much appreciate the opportunity. With the warm & fuzzies over, I am going to write about a beautiful piece of advice that I took from 'Dear You' and mentioned in my review - be kind. I had actually planned to write about the issues I have taken note of during National Fertility Awareness Week, namely male infertility and its impact on those men and also the postcode lottery aspect of fertility treatment, however this week has thrown me a few curve balls, so - quite selfishly - I feel like going into them a bit more instead. Two days ago I ...

Tessa Broad's book 'Dear You - A Letter to My Unborn Children' is the eloquently written memoir of a very brave woman, who has pushed her own personal insecurities to the side to give a face - and more importantly a voice - to the anonymous masses of infertile men and women out there. The book is a letter written to Tessa's 'imaginary'  children  (over the years, I don't doubt that the love Tessa has nurtured for these children is anything but imaginary), the ones who she never got to meet due to a cruel combination of nature and circumstance. I have to admit that I only finished reading this book a few days ago, which is a long time since I first started reading it. That is absolutely not a reflection of the book's content, how it was written or anything else of the sort, quite the contrary in fact. Tessa has really poured her heart and soul into this memoir, which is why I describe her as brave - I believe that to be true of anyone who puts pe...